do you ever feel like breaking down?
do you ever feel out of place?
like somehow you just don't belong
and no one understands you
do you ever wanna runaway?
do you lock yourself in your room?
with the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming
yeah, the lyric above is one of simple plan's lyrics that i guess, fits me now. maybe you think i'm silly, how could i be this emo? or am i the freak one? don't know, maybe you're right. yeah i'm just feeling lonesome now. i know i shouldn't feel this way, but i can't stand this :'(
i wanna scream, i wanna cry, i wanna confide with others what i'm feeling now. i just want people ask 'hey dude, you cry inside, what's up ?' yeah it sounds that selfish i wanna people understand me. i know it wouldn't be that easy.
i used to live in the same situation, with same friends, with same activities. i used to think that it was boring. i used to ask "when's my turn to be a grown-up? when will i get my own room, with no one bothers me, with no mom yell at me asking me to study?" and now? i got it all. i am a grown-up, i got my own room with no one bothers me (real no one), i got my freedom. you know, i used to think that being a grown-up is the happiest thing that everyone wants. you get much money, manage things by yourself, do not have "10 p.m at home" rule. you are free to do all the things you want. but the fact dude, it's not that easy.
if i could choose, i would choose to live my previous live. i miss my mom, i miss my dad, i miss my boyfriend, i miss my gals, i miss my computer, i miss my room. i miss to sing loudly in my brother's room, i miss mom's 10pm rule, i miss my dad ask me "how to upload photos in facebook?", i miss the moment i ate lele in pasar modern with my bestie. ohh geezzzz i miss those moments :'( i can't get all that things here. here, i live in new world, in new area, in new situation. i don't have friends that fit me enough here. actually i have, but what i'm afraid of is i couldn't fit them back. i know all my friends here is caring, i'm happy to have them. but somehow, sometimes i feel i'm alone even i'm surrounding by lots of people. like the lyric i wrote above ......
i used to be a spoiled gal. everytime i need, everywhere i wanna go, there's always be my father or my boyfriend who is ready to drive me. everytime i get some problems i can't solve, there's always be my mother to solve it. everytime i get some teen-troubles i can't confide, there's always be my bestfriends. but here, there's no one i can count on. i gotta count on myself. it's not easy you know. there's times i cry so hard inside. there's times i feel what people called 'homesick'. there's times i think i can't help this feeling :'( like now.
i don't know, could i stand this? could i be that tough? could i comfort myself? hopefully ......
i'm so thankful i got tepi, i got acha, i got mutty, i got friends of mine here. i'm trying to do my best here. how hard it is.